Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Negative

Blood test came back negative. Although I tried not to get my hopes up again this cycle, it still really hurts to hear "I’m sorry, it didn't work". So many questions are going through my mind right now. Why us? Why is this so hard? How many more negatives will we have to suffer through before it works? Will it ever work? Will we ever become parents?

I believe things happen for a reason. I said to Paul last night (we cheated and took a HPT so we knew the results already before the call today) that there must be some reason why we were chosen to go through this ~ I just wish someone would tell me the answer because I sure as hell can't figure it out right now!

We are looking at our options and trying to decide what to do next. Here are the options we've come up with.

1. Carry on with the FET's until we have used all the embryos up (we've used 4, we have 11 left).

2. Next transfer, instead of transferring only 2, we ask to have 3 transferred back hoping this will increase the 20% to 30% chance of a pregnancy we have with only transferring 2. Apparently our doctore rarely transfers 3 but maybe with our case he might.

3. Scrap the FET all together and try another fresh cycle in which our chances of becoming pregnant are increased to 60%. This option scares me to death because my last fresh cycle I hyperstimulated and couldn't go through with the transfer. What if this happens again ~ then we are right back where we started. I know they would probably monitor me more closely this time to prevent hyperstimulation but it still scares the hell out of me.

4. Go the adoption route.

So after some discussion we have decided to go with options 1 and 4. We will continue with the frozen cycle until we have used all of our embryos and pray that one of the 15 we had will like my uterus enough to want to hang out there for 9 months. In the meantime, I'm contacting the adoption agency and asking them to get the adoption process started for us.

The whole adoption thing was a tough decision for me because it kind of feels like we're giving up on trying to have biological children. But, having children is our goal here. If they are biologically ours that would be great, if they aren't biologically ours, so what ~ we would love them no differently. We have always talked about having 2 kids and if we are having this much difficulty getting pregnant with the first one, my biological clock may be out of tick-tock by the time we are ready to try for the 2nd. So we will continue trying to get pregnant and start the adoption process which could take as much time, or more, as it does for us to get pregnant!

Okay, I must stop now; it's getting hard to see the screen through the tears. Can one get electrocuted by shedding too many tears on a laptop? It's probably best if I not stick around to find out!

5 Comments:

At 11:27 AM, July 05, 2006, Blogger ChicagoGirl said...

Oh Lisa -- I was thinking about you during the entire 2ww and hoping and praying that this cycle would go well for you. I'm so sorry it didn't have the ending you were hoping for. I think your plan of #1 and #4 sound good and I'll keep you in my thoughts.

 
At 12:47 PM, July 05, 2006, Blogger amanda said...

I'm so very sorry. Best of luck with the new plan.

 
At 4:55 AM, July 06, 2006, Blogger Vee said...

I am so sorry to hear that.
I have asked all those questions you have asked also and wished I had the answer. Everytime I get a failure I think about adoption also. We still have a bit more of an AC road to travel I before we reach there.

Look after yourself.

 
At 8:19 AM, July 06, 2006, Blogger Hopeful Mother said...

Lisa, I'm so sorry that the FET didn't work. You and Paul are in my thoughts.

 
At 7:07 PM, July 09, 2006, Blogger Just another Jenny said...

I am so sorry to hear that this cycle didn't work. It is good to know your options, it is too bad they are never clear or easy. I wish I could help with the tears, I know how bad it hurts.

 

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