Monday, December 05, 2005

The IVF Bomb.

To or not to drop the IVF bomb on family and relatives has caused a lot of discussion between my wife and I about how, when, who, where, and what.

We gave careful consideration on who tell, if anyone at all. We decided to tell all of our family, close friends, plus my boss and my wife’s boss. We did each of them separately and most of the time over dinner.

As time went on we became more comfortable with the topic. We are also more knowledgeable about it then people who’ve not gone through IVF or studied it. We’ve had reactions from engaging dialogue to please pass the salt. (Although no one ever said that phrase.) The IVF is an immensely personal experience. And it is very intrusive. To talk about it is to talk about the failing of one of the most intimate acts between a man and a woman. Talking about a sex life around the dinner table with parents, aunts, uncles, close friends and bosses is not a ‘normal’ thing to do. So talking about IVF skirts the sex life issue which is not a discussion I am accustomed to having with my father-in-law or my own parents for that fact.

Our families have been very supportive of us. They are giving words of encouragement. And we accept them all. I have said a couple of times “we have learned we cannot ‘will’ this.” Basically a polite way of letting them know we don’t need a peep talk, we’ve given it our all, and this is the deck of cards we were dealt… and this is the action we need to take and we need to be mentally prepared for a BFN. Boiled down – we don’t want to be delusional. Yes, we need to remain positive and yes, state of mind can make a big difference. But we don't want to blissfully ignorant. In fairness, if it were my daughter/son telling me s/he were going for IVF treatment, I’m not so sure I would know how to respond either.

Our odds are very good of getting pregnant via IVF. In fact, they are better than the most healthy fertile in their prime couple trying to get pregnant. We’ve got a 60%->65% of getting a BFP.

In dropping the IVF bomb we touched everyone in a way I bet they weren’t expecting. I feel it has brought everyone closer. My wife and I are about to embark on a journey like one we’ve never had before. She is going to be poked and prodded and scanned. We are going to take the act of getting pregnant and we are going to hand it over to a doctor and his support team. There are going to be trying times ahead. And the support of our families is going to help immensely.


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