Friday, July 28, 2006

Transfer #3

On Wednesday we transferred 3 embryos. All 3 embryos survived the thaw really well according to Dr. C.

While we were waiting to go into the procedure room, there was one other woman in before us. Dr. C has a very loud voice so you could pretty much hear everything going on in there. My heart sank when I heard him say to her, "One of your embryos died. It didn't make it through the thaw". Luckily, she had more than 2 left so they were able to thaw another one for her. So, I said a little prayer to the thawing Gods and hoped our frosties had made it. Someone up there listened! I've been taking it easy for the last 3 days as per doctor’s orders. Beta is set for Aug. 9.

I think we've mentioned our doctor likes to joke around in the procedure room. His comment this time just after he released the embryos into me, "If you get pregnant with triplets, I'll shoot you!" How ironic would that be!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

We met with the doctor today. This is the first time we’ve met since our 2 failed FET’s. He basically gave us a pep talk (which we knew would probably be the case). He said that he really thinks the reason we aren't pregnant yet is because we haven't picked the right embryo. We convinced him to transfer 3 embryos this time with the promise that we would do selective reduction if we were to get pregnant with triplets. I honestly don’t think we will have to be faced with that! We asked him what the odds are of becoming pregnant with a FET cycle because we heard (thanks to the internet) that it is much lower than a fresh cycle. He kind of laughed and rolled his eyes (I imagine he was thinking “damn that internet”) and said that for a couple like us it’s only about 10% - 15% lower than a fresh. A fresh cycle would have given us a 60% chance of becoming pregnant so he said we have about a 45% - 50% chance. I find that hard to believe, but what do I know!


On the drive back I thought about what he said and I guess (and really hope) that he is right. I think we are just impatient ~ it's something we've been wanting and waiting for 2 years now and we want it now. Pretty much everything we've ever wanted we've got. We lived in an apartment and wanted a house, we got it! If we want a vacation, we figure out where we want to go and book it! When we moved into our house we wanted a dog, we got one! When we wanted to upgrade our house, we bought another one! It seems that most things in life, as long as you have the financial means to do so, you can get it when you want it! Us having a baby when we want it, well that’s another story!

The one thing Paul and I want more than anything else in the world is the one thing we don't have control over when we will get it. Before all of this IVF stuff, I considered myself a very patient person. I'm not too sure I am now! I have to keep reminding myself of the fortune Paul received in his fortune cookie 3 months ago, "Time and patience are called for, many surprises await you." My only question - how much time? Ahh, if only we could have crystal balls!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Ultrasound Results

Today's ultrasound went well. Everything is on track. My lining was a whooping 12 (the highest I've had yet for a FET)!

Transfer date: July 26th

We have decided to go ahead with the adoption process, along with the IVF. We've found a social worker and placed a call to her to tell her that we are ready to start the first step, the home study.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Ready for Round 3

Yesterday we started FET cycle #3. We are on the same protocol as the previous 2 cycles (2 Estrace tablets twice a day, blood work and ultrasound on day 10, then hopefully transfer 5 days later). I'm getting to be an old pro at this!

I've starting contacting adoption agencies. They have all suggested we start the process off with a home study. One of the social workers called me tonight and we spoke for quite awhile. I got some of my questions answered. Apparently, the home study takes roughly 3 months to complete and she will visit our home every 2 weeks or so. It is a very comprehensive home study that includes things like medicals, financial statements, references, and our family backgrounds, how we were raised, how we met, how we communicate, and our thoughts on raising children. She basically told me that our life will pretty much be an open book. The cost of this home study ... $2,000! Then she said that you will likely have to spend $8,000 to $16,000 once a birth parent decides to choose us as the adoptive family for their child. This is going to be as expensive as IVF!

So, Paul and I have a lot of decisions to make. Two years ago, I would have never of guessed that we would be having these conversations today. We thought we'd be having conversations about daycares, babysitters, and when to start trying for baby #2. My, how wrong we were!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Negative

Blood test came back negative. Although I tried not to get my hopes up again this cycle, it still really hurts to hear "I’m sorry, it didn't work". So many questions are going through my mind right now. Why us? Why is this so hard? How many more negatives will we have to suffer through before it works? Will it ever work? Will we ever become parents?

I believe things happen for a reason. I said to Paul last night (we cheated and took a HPT so we knew the results already before the call today) that there must be some reason why we were chosen to go through this ~ I just wish someone would tell me the answer because I sure as hell can't figure it out right now!

We are looking at our options and trying to decide what to do next. Here are the options we've come up with.

1. Carry on with the FET's until we have used all the embryos up (we've used 4, we have 11 left).

2. Next transfer, instead of transferring only 2, we ask to have 3 transferred back hoping this will increase the 20% to 30% chance of a pregnancy we have with only transferring 2. Apparently our doctore rarely transfers 3 but maybe with our case he might.

3. Scrap the FET all together and try another fresh cycle in which our chances of becoming pregnant are increased to 60%. This option scares me to death because my last fresh cycle I hyperstimulated and couldn't go through with the transfer. What if this happens again ~ then we are right back where we started. I know they would probably monitor me more closely this time to prevent hyperstimulation but it still scares the hell out of me.

4. Go the adoption route.

So after some discussion we have decided to go with options 1 and 4. We will continue with the frozen cycle until we have used all of our embryos and pray that one of the 15 we had will like my uterus enough to want to hang out there for 9 months. In the meantime, I'm contacting the adoption agency and asking them to get the adoption process started for us.

The whole adoption thing was a tough decision for me because it kind of feels like we're giving up on trying to have biological children. But, having children is our goal here. If they are biologically ours that would be great, if they aren't biologically ours, so what ~ we would love them no differently. We have always talked about having 2 kids and if we are having this much difficulty getting pregnant with the first one, my biological clock may be out of tick-tock by the time we are ready to try for the 2nd. So we will continue trying to get pregnant and start the adoption process which could take as much time, or more, as it does for us to get pregnant!

Okay, I must stop now; it's getting hard to see the screen through the tears. Can one get electrocuted by shedding too many tears on a laptop? It's probably best if I not stick around to find out!